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Edward Snowden And Julian Assange Regret Leaking Information On Government Abuses Instead Of Supreme Court Rulings (SATIRE)

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Edward Snowden and Julian Assange, two heavyweight whistleblowers who blew the lid on nefarious, corrupt, and illegal U.S. government operations, spoke out about the disconnect between revealing information on how our tax dollars are spent policing us and the subsequent minimal public outrage, compared to the outrageous public outcry over a similar leak, revealing nothing more than an imminent adjudication concerning legalized infanticide.

As one political observer has noted: “Obviously, one of the leftist judges leaked the Court memo to ignite protests and riots that would intimidate the justices. You will see this leaker be feted in the media.” This glaring fact left Snowden and Assange wishing for a return to their early 2010 days. A dastardly leak whose sole intention is to intimidate a different ruling will be celebrated while the exposure of illegal government practices will be punished?

Speaking from his place of foreign exile, Snowden regretted not leaking information pertinent to leftist political causes. As the entire government infrastructure is one giant leftist orgy, he clearly ran afoul of the narrative crafters. “Why did I reveal that the U.S. government implemented a massive surveillance state upon the creation of the Department of Homeland Security?” Noticing that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Susan Rice are still mainstream figures, Snowden said if he could do things over again he would just leak a video purported to incite a Libyan assault on a U.S. embassy.

Speaking from prison and awaiting extradition to the United States, despite not being a U.S. citizen nor operating Wikileaks from within American territory, Assange expressed similar regret. “I should have just fabricated and planted information that the Trump campaign was colluding with Russian officials.” Assange noticed that Hillary Clinton is still doing speaking tours and keeps being mentioned as a possible vice presidential replacement for Kamala Harris or even a rematch for Donald Trump in 2024.

When told that both had mentioned Clinton’s name, Assange and Snowden let out a rueful chuckle. “Isn’t it bizarre that the criminals are allowed to violate the law and go unpunished, but those that expose them for their utter criminality face extreme consequences?” Snowden asked.

Assange nodded his head, but was unable to say much more. After he endured such intense ridicule from the brainwashed masses and unfathomable U.S. government pressure, he suffered a stroke from the anxiety and now gets tired more frequently.

Snowden said the lesson to be learned from all of this is that government-created narratives and media-fomented outrage are key to controlling how people respond. George Floyd, who died from a lifetime of abusing drugs and resisting arrest, nodded in agreement from the afterlife. “I am simultaneously the least important and most consequential person of the last few years,” he said.

As Black Lives Matter used Floyd’s inevitable death by blaming systemic racism to unravel the fabric of American society and play a role in derailing the Trump presidency, so too will radicals use this leak to pressure spineless Republican-appointed justices to change their minds about aborting the 1973 Roe V. Wade decision.

“We are still waiting for the public’s outrage over the fact that the NSA listens to every discussion and watches everyone through cameras on computers and smartphones,” Assange added from his jail cell bed.

“The Deep State will implement social credit and no one will flinch an eye, but God forbid the consideration of abortion be returned to the states,” Snowden added.

This story syndicated with permission from The Liberty Leader Political Satire